depression

the loud screams are all around me. how do i get out of here. i want to escape! i close my ears to drown them out but they break apart the sound barrier. i try to create a distraction for myself but the words trickle through my mind like a poison. it causes my heart to deteriorate and my senses to be numb. soon my body is weak. i try to fight it, but i soon give in. it posses my hole being and i am no longer myself. the happy, fun, and pleasant person i used to know is gone, and now i have become the poison. the person i now see is bitter, cold, scared, homely, angry...almost lifeless. i think the only thing keeping her alive is the little piece of her oldself deep within her, the part that cared so much. If she loses that, then she has lost herself completely to the point of death.
All she wants is someone to help her, but she wont ask for it. all she wants is someone to care enough, but she knows no one can do that. She wants something real, but no one is genuine anymore. Maybe if she were dead people would take the vales off of their crooked eyes and see things straight. Maybe they would suddenly realize the effects of their poisons they frequently injected into her. Maybe they would finally hear my silent screams for help and freedom. maybe their hearts would change and open up. Maybe my death would inject their poison into them and take all that they have and introduce them to a new colder version of themselves as it did to me. But could i do that to them knowing how it feels? I dont know. Sometimes i feel it would do us both favors and other times i think of how it might hurt them, and i stop. When will this torture end. How much longer shall i wait to be happy and at peace and accepted and ....loved. what must i do to achieve that? maybe one day i shall know.